His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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