There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
