Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup