Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.