I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.