here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
