i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
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I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.