Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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