i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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