Only a mothe r could love this liver
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
