4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
