He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
