I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
