So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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