Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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