it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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