Apparently you make a good broom.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
