I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
