i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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