So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
