saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
