i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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