I think my fart just growled at me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
