Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
