You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
