I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
