Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
