You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
