you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
