I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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