The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
