I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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