DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
