You're my little dorito
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
