That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
