Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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