Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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