she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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