Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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