Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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