guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Everything about him screamed your future.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
