Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
