Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont even know how to be here
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
