Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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