They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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