So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
why is half of my head shaved?
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