you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
