Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
