We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
