i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
