my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
jump out the window naked night went bad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
