I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
