if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Two words: nipple clamps
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