Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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