I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
