Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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