woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
