He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
