Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
