No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
