There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
