well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
