New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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