God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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