YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
